The Plot Thickens

So my shit has officially been flipped upside down. Today was a pretty slow, by the books day at work. Nothing really exciting except for the crowd of people outside mourning Michael Jackson at his walk of fame star. I had a short email correspondence with D that didn't really change my opinions on anything.

It wasn't until about fifteen minutes ago when I read her latest blog entry. I'm killing some time waiting for friends to get here and stop by her blog page to find a new entry. I'm pretty sure it's about me, or at least very inspired by me and our relationship. I won't go into details but it's about the death of romance and how young, hopeful people become numb and hardened and are afraid to take the relationship leap because they feel like it's just gonna end anyway.

That is so me, so fucking me, and she referenced it in one of her emails this morning. I just talked about it with my roommate and thinks that I may actually be the one doing the hurting in this relationship, not the other way around. He brought to my attention that maybe the whole open relationship was actually a test, not a ploy, and I failed it miserably. I fucking failed hard. Granted, I haven't had a true relationship, well, ever, and the thought of it scares me. But at the same time, after reading her blog and talking with me roommate I'm not sure what scares me more; the thought of committing to one girl, or the thought of losing D.

I just don't know right now. I think the best thing to do is to put it out of my mind for a night, kick back, drink some beers and enjoy my night with some of my boys. Tomorrow isn't far away, and tomorrow is when I should make my decision, to use a very cliche term; shit or get off the pot.

I really like D, but I really like having options. But in the end what they say is true, you can't have your cake and eat it too. Whatever the hell that means, it actually doesn't really make sense, but whatever. It comes down to this, instead of sitting here bitching about D and bemoaning the apparent death of our relationship, I need to take a stand on one side of the line or the other and handle it already.