Everything you've read about me is true, I mean, everything you will read about me is true. I didn't come here to make things up, I came here to tell it like it is for me. Everything from here on out is truth, except for people's names, they will be changed. As for my name, well, that's not important.
Why I chose today to start doing this? I don't know, I guess that's just how things work out. Basically here's where I'm at in life. I'm a twenty-six year old male from the Midwest now living in LA. I work as a Production Assistant (PA) for a pretty big company in Hollywood. For those who don't know, PA is the dirt of the entertainment industry; we do all the work, get none of the pay and even less of the thanks. But we do it because we're told this is how you get places. This is pretty much a lie. Do lots of PA's get places? Sure. But, from what I've noticed, most of the higher ups are there because they already knew somebody. Another myth about being a PA is that the higher ups want us to believe that they're our friends, this too, is a lie. One thing I've learned in my 3+ years in the entertainment industry is that people work hard to get to high places in the business and they're not about to relinquish their position for some young, driven kid. I like to think of it like a mountain; with the PA's at the bottom trying to climb up, and all the higher ups standing in various places up above, along the way, throwing rocks down at us. This is my life right now, I do so much work for this company and get shit on day in and day out for very little money.
I kind of, sort of have/had a girlfriend. I'm still not totally sure what's going on but I'll tell you that right now it feels like our "relationship" is like a guy who was whacked over the back of the head once or twice with a crowbar and left for dead in an alley, and now he's just laying there bleeding to death wishing for someone to walk bye and put a bullet in his head. Basically I met this girl just about four months ago, we'll call her D. D and I met online, yep, not afraid to say it. It's not like I have trouble meeting girls, it's more like I have trouble meeting girls that are worth meeting, especially since I work so much. So I figured I'd try the online dating scene and much to my shock, it worked.
I met D on the site and we went on a date, well, at first we tried to go on a date but I had spent too much time partying the night before and couldn't successfully get over the hangover in time to meet up for brunch. I guess that could've have been considered an omen, but I don't know. She gave me another chance and we went on what was far and away the best first date I've ever been on. We totally just hit it off right away and closed the restaurant out talking, they had to kick us out. Things just kind of spiraled from there, for the next few weeks/months we were like boyfriend and girlfriend without officially being boyfriend and girlfriend and things were good, until two Sundays ago.
Two Sundays ago we're lying in bed together after fucking and we're talking. D decides to bring up the "where we are in our relationship" conversation. This was interestingly timed considering in the past week she had met three new male "friends" and had canceled our Saturday plans for a questionable business trip that was also a bit of a pleasure trip. I remember thinking to myself when she canceled our plans via text message that if she came back without any pictures and claimed to have forgotten her camera that something may be off. I thought this because this girl is a self proclaimed papparazzi. She brings her camera everywhere and is always taking pictures. Conveniently enough, she forgot her camera on this trip.
So this was strange to me, but honestly, at the time I just chalked it up to me being a dumb guy and I still would like to think I'm just being a dumb guy. After all, she's been pretty on point in the truth category, at least I think. Anyway, so she had been telling me that she considered me to be an investment with no return because I don't want to get married (at least I don't think I do) when she sequed into the topic at hand. At the time the conversation seemed to just move at its own pace, but as I look back on it now I can see that it was just a carefully thought out and worded way to break things off without actually breaking things off; a breakup loophole if you will.
She started by asking me where I thought things were going and where I wanted them to go, but would then pat me on the shoulder and say things like "we don't have to be exclusive" and "we can have an open relationship" and things of the sort. Now, what guy isn't going to at least want to give that idea a shot? I know I'm human. Hell, I'm not saying I want to have a long term relationship that develops into marriage with this girl, I mean, I was for the open relationship because I know this isn't forever and want to keep my options open. BUT, she made it seem like she wanted us to still go on like we have been and just have options open. This is not how it's panned out.
So far, since that night I haven't seen her once. She has done each of the following; made lame excuses when I tried to make plans with her (excuses that never used to exist), broken off plans with me, and today the most important one; not responded to a text message. Why is that so important? Because I made it clear when we first started seeing each other that there's nothing I hate more than when people don't return calls/texts and she assured me that she would never be that way. I do this with all budding relationships as something of a seed planting strategy. This way as long as the girl is interested in me she will ALWAYS respond, and the second she doesn't respond is when I know something is awry.
Basically, the long and short of it, is that since negotiating this "open relationship" with me, D has done nothing but show signs of someone who doesn't want to be in any relationship with me anymore. The fucked up thing is that I'm okay with us being done, but if it's gonna be done I want it done, quickly and honestly. Not like this. Especially since we swore to each other months ago that if one of us wanted to end it we would just be blunt and honest with the other. Now it looks like she's backed out of that bargain.
It's become fairly clear to me now that the open relationship idea was just a way to ease us into the inevitable breakup. I'm sure she's out right now decided which one of her new male "friends" is the one she's gonna replace me with, if not all of them. That wouldn't surprize me, after all, she did once tell me her number, and I won't say it here but it's pretty damn alarmingly astronomical. I let it slide because I liked her so much, but still, wow.
So that's where I am on a relationship standpoint. As of this moment I'm not sure where exactly it will go, I'm considering a pre-emptive breakup, just ending it myself the next time I see her, if I do see her. Haven't decided yet, we'll see.
This is where we begin. With me being an unhappy, underpaid PA in a dying relationship looking for direction. I've always got things going on in my life, and I'm here to talk about them.
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