Slowing the Wheels Back to a Steady Pace

So today I finished this mother fucker of a project that had been laid before me on Monday. You see, another great thing about PA's (from the company perspective) is that they're just as skilled as the people in higher positions, if not more, yet they cost a fraction of the money and this can be exploited. The exploitable skill here; Photoshop and DVD Studio Pro. I wont bore you with the details, but let's just say it was an important task that should've been left in the hands of a classically trained graphic artist and not someone who just picked up the skills on the job over the course of time and only has a passing interest in the trade. Mostly as a hobby.

So anyways, due to the demands of the nitpicky higher ups and my less than necessary skills, the project took a long time. In a sense it was good because I had to learn some new tricks that will come in handy down the road, but still, I should've been getting paid a lot more money for it. In the end, I worked a thirteen hour day on Monday, fourteen and a half yesterday and ten and a half today before finishing the job and let me tell you I am wiped. I never even took lunch or dinner breaks, just ate while working.

The beauty of being wrapped up in work is that it helps get your mind off personal life frustrations, ie; the aforementioned D situation. Today, for the most part, I didn't think about or dwell on the topic. In fact, I've cooled down a lot after yesterday when I was ready to just break things off immediately. This is something I've learned after years of failed relationship attempts; usually your first instinct is wrong and you should always stop, take some time to think and at the least, sleep on things.

It's not that my opinion on the situation really changed, I still think she set me up with the whole open relationship as a sneaky way of easing us into a breakup, I've just decided to go about dealing with it in a different way. First, I was gonna break off all communication with her and let her come to me, nothing brash, just see what she does. In the afternoon she left me a random facebook comment which I found curious. Anyway, I deviated from this strategy when I got off work. You see, I was feeling really good and relieved after work, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, the project was done, was good and I could have some free time tonight before going to bed.

It was just as I was floating out of work that I decided I wanted something other than Subway for dinner, something somewhat celebratory, and not alone. I decided that since D lives so close, I'd call her up and see if she just wanted to eat with me. I debated for a second considering my ealier decision and said "fuck it," there's no reason to always be thinking strategically when it comes to this stuff, sometimes you gotta follow your immediate instinct and how you feel. So I called her, we had a nice little chat and she politely declined my dinner invitation due to the fact that she was already in the process of making dinner. Now I know the dinner excuse could've been a lie, but I honestly don't think it was, she was on the level. Regardless of whether or not it was a lie, one thing is for sure; she sure didn't seem too interested in hanging out with me despite the fact that we haven't seen each other in over a week when before that we were seeing each other 3-5 times a week. It was clear that she's in no hurry to see me again; yet another sign that I'm beeing steered to an inevitable crash into a brick wall. In fact, I think if I squint hard enough I can see a blood stained brick wall in the distance.

So that was that, I chatted with D this evening after being ignored by her yesterday for the first time and the conversation didn't really reveal much, nor did it do anything to dispel my theories of her trying to wane me off her and vice versa. Sure, nothing is resolved, but I'm feeling a little better about the situation today than I did yesterday, maybe it's just because I'm a little stressed out today with that project being done that it's open up more positive thoughts, maybe it's just because I've been down this road too many times and just don't really care enough to care anymore. I'm not too sure.

What I do know is that this is a situation that will be ongoing for at least a couple days. Originally I was gonna see if D wanted to hang out Saturday, but instead I think I'm gonna try to have a first "date" with this girl I've sort of had in my back pocket, by that I mean, she's been around if I want to date her but have been putting it off in pursuit of things with D. I think it's time for me to let D go and embrace this open relationship while it still has a few last, weak breaths left within it.

And as for tonight, I ended up going to Subway. Oh well, can't win 'em all.